@ElgatoEsmio: I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS
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@notfaizzy: I knew this girl, she's really deep; she'd always find a reason to preach about how size does matter...
@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
@myles_morrison: I start every argument off with "first of all..." like I'm really going to school them, but my second point is always just name calling.