@that1bish27: "I traded my carpet in for bare floors" --coworker. "Oh, me too. I love the shaved look.", said me. Apparently, she really meant carpet.
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@Pro_Jones_: (Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice
@SomeChrisTweets: Your home, like all homes, has an extra light switch that appears to do nothing when flipped. Nevertheless, you pass many idle hours curiously flipping it up and down. Far away, enormous dressage horses spawn out of thin air in my kitchen. Stop flipping the horse switch. Please.
@markydoodoo: [House Hunters] *sitting in a blind, in the wilderness, waiting for a house to come* *chimney slowly appears on the horizon*