@that1bish27: "I traded my carpet in for bare floors" --coworker. "Oh, me too. I love the shaved look.", said me. Apparently, she really meant carpet.
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@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.
@2tickytacky: I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.
@decentbirthday: son: i caught a tadpole! me: actually that's a dadpole son: i'm confused *from fishing net* hi confused, i'm dad