@SeanEmeny: I treat women well cause I'm a real man. Also, if I'm nice to them maybe they'll come over and kill this spider for me
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@KevinFarzad: So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it's okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it's rude??
@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@Brentweets: CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.
@kcmoore51: Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.