@o__0Dev: I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore
@leathershirts: the iPhone 8 won't even come with headphones you'll have to imagine you're listening to music
@Brampersandon_: ME (watching a sea of a million llamas stampede over the horizon): dear God, it's the alpacalypse
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do.