@karatechopmonk: I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn't like it
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@AristotlesNZ: 8yo: Ghosts real? Me: No! 4yo: I heard groaning last night 8yo: & a bed squeaking and moaning 4yo: What was that? Me: .. Them: .. Me: Ghosts
@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos? "Hell yeah!" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol