@knotta_tardfan: I tried driving today without texting, eating or getting high but it was so boring I fell asleep at the wheel. Thanks, Oprah.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JayCee302: The asian girl I'm playing chess against is really hot, you might say she's worth a... *puts on sunglasses* "Second rook"
@scorpicpanda: Me: "OMG, my abs are so sore!" 12: (sarcastically) "What abs?" Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."
@caliluvgirl77: I love when my friends start selling weight loss shakes because that's one less person I ever have to talk to again.
@daryl_licked: Indian Chief: What that bottle of vodka for? Me: I got it for my girlfriend. Indian Chief: Good trade.