@AllyBallyBeal: I tried dusting after five energy drinks now my house is on fire.
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@Sassafrantz: I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
@TheMichaelRock: Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that.