@AllyBallyBeal: I tried dusting after five energy drinks now my house is on fire.
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@DCpierson: A warlock cursed me to forever be standing in line behind people trying to remember the name of a movie, and I know exactly what movie it is
@XplodingUnicorn: I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say "no."
@RainbowJohnJ: *addresses the elephant in the room* *puts a stamp on the elephant in the room* "My pen pal is gonna love this."