@DevilryFun: I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
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@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds
@simoncholland: I just want to be rich enough that I don't have to watch DIY videos on YouTube every time something in my house breaks.
@Try2StopME: Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies*
@iwearaonesie: girl at the bar: You're funny me *brings her over to meet my wife* Tell her what you said