@DevilryFun: I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
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@Rockenden: If ever you're feeling down, and I can't be there to do it in person, just imagine me awkwardly patting your shoulder & looking at my watch.
@stevevsninjas: wife: what's wrong? slug: boss said I work slowly. wife: he's harsh. take it with a grain of- slug: TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF WHAT, DIANE?
@blacksab67: Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye.
@jake_likes_naps: [spills whole tub of salsa on cat] Oh dang [grabs chip] Hold still [cat starts running away] I SAID HOLD STILL