@AnkCoupleTO: I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?
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@JohnLyonTweets: The movie Speed, except this bus driver apparently thinks we'll blow up if he goes over 15 mph.
@jergarl: Things I've mastered: 1) Learning stuff the hard way. 2) 3) Missing the point. 4) Not finishing anything.
@DevilryFun: Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?
@KKAlThani: Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning.