@msbhaven81: I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lovemydogduck: Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.
@johndashgreen: Password must contain a capital letter, a number, a plot, a protagonist with some character development, and a surprise ending.
@puffin7911: When I say to my kids "sit here and watch cartoons" they hear "come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."
@Inconsteveable: "Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes" are exactly the same?"