@msbhaven81: I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective
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@AmericanGent69: David Copperfield: Ok I want everyone in the audience to think of a color. Ready? Ok, is your color grey? Audience full of Dogs: OMG!
@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
@heidi420x: I'm not interested in your cat unless it's on its 8th life and about to do something incredibly stupid.
@iwearaonesie: If I had known I could hurt myself just by sneezing I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up