@xLiserx: I tried living every day like it was my last but I got arrested on my second day of looting.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: The average 3-year-old boy can stick 11 kernels of corn up his nose before he needs a trip to the ER.
@DukEB51: You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.