@badteacher4u: I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I'm not allowed back inside that hospital :(
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@kwirkyKerri: Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
@ObscureGent: Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night.
@AndyAsAdjective: [watching The Avengers] 7YR OLD: daddy, why does Hulk get so angry? ME: probably because his kid won't stop asking questions during movies