@anbrll00: I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus.
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@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.
@Proxic0n: [Date] Me: So what goes in the bowl first, milk or cereal? Her: Trick question, I eat pizza for breakfast. *We just start making out*
@ElleAys: My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.
@AndrewNadeau0: INTERVIEWER: What happened at your last job? ME: I was fired for being too literal. I: How have you supported yourself since then? M: Legs.