@anbrll00: I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus.
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@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere
@Honda_954: Two cannibals are eating Dane Cook. One says to the other, "does this taste funny", the other replies "No".
@KimmyMonte: Don't tell me I can hear the ocean if I put a shell up to my ear. If he has something to say to me SAY IT TO MY FACE U PIECE OF SHIT WATER