@bingowings14: I tried some Dirty Dancing in a neighbour's herb garden. I had the thyme of my life.
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@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest
@LindaInDisguise: Me: Did you know a cockroach can live for weeks with no head? Him: That's nothing. Husbands sometimes go for years.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Have you ever considered letting your wife sleep with a marriage counselor? - me as a marriage counselor