@BonaFideIntent: I tried to be domestic & cook. Microwave is on fire. A waffle maker, 3 pans, a toaster & my neighbors cat in the trash. Making soup is HARD!
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@duumb: [remembering phone charger is in my pocket as I jump from empire state building] omg this is gonna hurt
@Ivsy01: Keep it mysterious, ladies... Him: See you next time. Me: Maybe. Him: Do you want your receipt?
@AmishPornStar1: See ya later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. Catch ya mañana, little iguana.