@BonaFideIntent: I tried to be domestic & cook. Microwave is on fire. A waffle maker, 3 pans, a toaster & my neighbors cat in the trash. Making soup is HARD!
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@WilliamAder: We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.
@Kayditty: The Bible Belt - the land where you pretend not to recognize each other in the liquor store.
@LackOfShame: Her: Well, I know I told you that. Me: *closes eyes* Her: What are you doing? Me: Checking for it in my spam folder.
@InigoUnleashed: 'Your place or mine?' Is the sexiest response to the question: 'Where shall we bury the body?'