@BonaFideIntent: I tried to be domestic & cook. Microwave is on fire. A waffle maker, 3 pans, a toaster & my neighbors cat in the trash. Making soup is HARD!
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@CleoZevach3000: Did it bother anybody else that the guy from that "Operation" game was clearly wide awake?
@annaetuck: Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [Bad magician coroner] is this your husband's body [widow] no [Bad magician coroner] isss this your husband's body
@Blunt_Sarcastic: When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone's saying about you.