@BonaFideIntent: I tried to be domestic & cook. Microwave is on fire. A waffle maker, 3 pans, a toaster & my neighbors cat in the trash. Making soup is HARD!
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@Cidisn: Auto mechanic: Well here's your problem. The last person to work on this didn't wash their hands after using the restroom.
@TheMichaelRock: *catches 4yo putting on deodorant* Me: What are you doing? 4yo: Feeding my armpits. Me....as you were.