@slimmy_shady: I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
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@_Shizzle: I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*
@thenatewolf: Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.
@SaraMansford: So I called up the Captain, please bring me my wine. He said: "ma'am, this is a cruise. Please don't call me again if there's no emergency"