@slimmy_shady: I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
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@sadhatterskwrl: To those folks who retweet my timeline and get my phone buzzing *thank you *I see you *I love you *we married now *it's too late *it's done
@conanobrienswyf: How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.