@simoncholland: I tried to help by doing my daughter's hair once and a kind old lady offered her a hot meal and a warm place to sleep.
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@Slim_is_Fat: (Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie.
@Rollmaninoz: *Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I’m literally running down the street pretending to be a car?