@CrackYouWhip: I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
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@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go.
@elle91: Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.
@momTruthBomb: I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.