@CrackYouWhip: I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
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@TheTweetOfGod: People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face.
@david8hughes: [bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese