@FaisalAdam_: I try not to tell people I had shoddy dental implants done, but whenever in a conversation, it just comes out.
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@fusedude: I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver.
@HausOfAustin: Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]