@hgracestewart: I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Historical fact: The term "bro" originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.
@jsam1126: A guy on the street just said "nice feet" to me can someone tell me seriously if that was a cat call?
@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal