@SaraESpivey: I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
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@thejessbess: I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting.
@dafloydsta: "DADDY THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED" [me opening bedroom window] Wife: What are you doing? Me: *climbing out* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?
@sarahyehia82: Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.