@BrianIncognito: I turned to her and said "We're all just seeking validation, aren't we?" She just ignored me, stamped my parking ticket, and handed it back.
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@sofarrsogud: GUY: *cuts me off in traffic ME: *eating cereal* YOU SIR, SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED DRIVE A CAR!! *angrily waves spoon
@BrassBallsCJ: Friend: I'm just not sure if she's into me. Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I'd say that's a hard no.
@Brianhopecomedy: I inform my 4 year old that she's going to a friend's house 5 minutes before we leave so she only asks me when we're going 6000 times.
@actualAidenn: my parents: how come you never socialize with the family? me: *sits with family* me: *gets insulted by entire family*