@LilMamacitaDont: I tweeted about Darth Vader wearing Depends earlier. Since then, two Vaders and have "followed" me. I'm getting choked tonite. Help.
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@ericsshadow: "dad, what does extravagant mean?" idk son. why don't you ... [i turn to my wife using $100 bills to light the fireplace] ask your mother
@AnkCoupleTO: If you drop your pants for a "surprise checkup" and hear your doctor's belt buckle hit the floor, you should probably head for the hills
@TheBoydP: [Heaven] Saint Peter: Welcome to the pearly gates! You’re here early; you must be dying to get in! LOL Me: Too soon…
@LawbsterSaid: "Wow! Can you believe it's almost June already?!" YES DEB, I AM WHOLLY MYSTIFIED BY THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF TIME ON PLANET EARTH