@summerofbenny: I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app, and it uninstalled itself.
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@OohSnapItsChris: I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder
@DanMentos: "Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?" No thanks I have a previous engagement "I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"
@eddiepepitone: Signs that things aren't going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.