@Terdoh: I typed "Cigarettes" in the search bar and it said "No Matches".
The universe has spoken.
@primawesome: Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.
@notalogin: *overeats sugar*
*gets limbs amputated*
*can finally smile authentically in pics now that not worried what to do with hands*
@truegritrumble: (Going to Wife's Work Party)
WIFE: Don't just be quiet like last time.
(Later at Dinner)
ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?
@0hJuliette: Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?
@hopiecan: how terrible do you think Maria von Trapp's life had to be that she included "doorbells" on her list of favorite things