@Terdoh: I typed "Cigarettes" in the search bar and it said "No Matches".
The universe has spoken.
@thatstings: Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home
I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger
@wickedimproper: ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50's.
@Mr_Kapowski: *watching a scary movie*
7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad?
*blankets pulled over my head* "Sure, if you say so"
@Playing_Dad: I don't ever use my blinker. It's nobody's business where I'm going.
@ItsJennaMarbles: Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'.