@gorrdano: I understand if you aren't religious, I respect that. But you don't have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: How much for the selfie stick? Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.
@BlindChow: GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWS™: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf
@Thynebear: Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal? "I'll have a panda please" [judge, under his breath] Can he do that?
@KentWGraham: I wish I could be like my cable company’s customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me.