@gorrdano: I understand if you aren't religious, I respect that. But you don't have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice.
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@notfaizzy: Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*
@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
@theroneman: Captain: You’re suspended. Turn in ur badge and gun. [he does, but immediately grows a new badge and gun] Godammit, u were born to be a cop.