@jake_lach: I understand the face situation but you don't have to be ugly on the inside too
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@brian_bilston: There once was a poet on Twitter who grew increasingly bitter. He couldn't surmount the strict character count and so his poems got even shi
@WGladstone: My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor.
@stephenjmolloy: Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Ian: "I wish for everyone to be equal." Genie: "Okay. You have no wishes."
@psychogoddess: How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?? Dude,I already did my time.