@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
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@DanMentos: *sees cute girl on sidewalk* nice *she makes eye contact* oh wow *she smiles* is this happening *she’s holding a clipboard* god dammit
@TheAlexNevil: My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot.