@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
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@KateWhineHall: Calls for kids: Nobody responds. Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what's for dinner when it's 9 am.
@Brampersandon_: GIRL: wow that shirt really brings out your eyes! ME: *eyes protruding completely out of my head* yeah the collar is too tight or something
@AlanFelyk: Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day. Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*
@tiffaynay: Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries.