@Dawn_M_: I used 5 different things as a napkin today and one of them was my neighbour.
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@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians* When walking: *shakes fist at motorists* When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*
@ArfMeasures: HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please
@LindaInDisguise: Google search history: -double chin reduction exercises -double chin plastic surgery cost -double fudge brownie recipe