@AllieA: I used to accidentally hold hands with strangers I mistook for my dad. It's slightly weirder now that I'm in my 20s and doing it on purpose.
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@DaveTheAlbino: Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me." Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
@KalvinMacleod: [buying a USB cord at Best Buy] that'll be $29.99 [buying a USB cord off Amazon] here, take 5 cords for $4.99 and I'll throw in a free horse