@squirrel74wkgn: I used to be happily married...but then we went furniture shopping together.
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@briangaar: FOUR STAGES OF LOSING MY KEYS 1. Can't find keys 2. Accuse everyone around me of taking my keys 3. Find keys 4. Apologize for key witchhunt
@capnmcfword: I love how this restaurant keeps a fish tank by the front entrance so I can just reach my hand in and eat a fish on the way out for free.
@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."