@shariv67: I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"
@dom_dot_dom: A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
@KevinGetem: Teachers call it "Going to the bathroom". We call it "I'm bored, I'm gonna go wander around school."