@shariv67: I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.
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@HeyZeus666: I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.
@dysondoc: Trump: "I'm going to make sure we let in less immigrants." Pence: "Fewer!" Trump: "Shhh, don't call me that yet."
@lloydrang: I just ran 4.1 Kms and realized you can write anything you want after that and no one will read it purple monkey dishwasher.
@DurtMcHurtt: Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number... Me: ...because I still need it.