@JennyJohnsonHi5: I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.
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@Henry_3k: My therapist says I need to overcome "shame-based" thinking but if it wasn't for shame I don't think I'd get a damn thing done around here.
@madeleinedoux: [date at rooftop bar] give me ur hand "Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?" *rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me
@BackrowSeats: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time.
@yoopnative: "Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep." -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby.