@JennyJohnsonHi5: I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.
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@TheCiscoKidder: I caught my son wiping his boogers on the couch which is gross because I don't want our boogers mixing.
@Erroneous_Me: I hate my job, but it pays for my alcohol, and I need the alcohol, because I hate my job.
@snmrrw: Rasputin never died that day, as an immortal being. He hid for decades, before dropping the "Ras" and slipping back into Russian politics.