@MelvinofYork: I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself.
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@PeterClayton6: My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.
@deardilettante: A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.
@blood_orphan: [rap battle] [my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]