@trevso_electric: I used to pretend that broccoli florets were treetops and I was a giant eating up the forest while my Dad pretended he had a manly son.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs.
@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".
@Cheeseboy22: Since Monopoly replaced its tiny iron, the talking mice in my walls now all have wrinkled shirts.
@FattMernandez: I saw a car with "Wash Me" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!