@DamonHunzeker: I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me.
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@joejwest: [deathbed] ME: Give me that sword & I'll haunt it when I die SON: I made this [hands me cake] ME: No! [dies] CAKE: [in my voice] God damn it
@ibid78: WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon
@whereami18: Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I'd also be responding to all texts they receive.They've been well behaved since.