@WildeThingy: I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Have you heard about the late great actor? "Wow, he's dead?" *Actor strolls in* Nope, just never on time.
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]
@dave_cactus: HUMPTY DUMPTY: Quick, put me back together! TOTO: There's nothing that 100 men or more could ever do. HUMPTY DUMPTY: …maybe call the horses?