@ieatanddrink: I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
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@RoosterMustache: [enter password] mypulloutgame [password weak] All 8 of my kids: daddy why are u crying
@causticbob: "Wanna hear a joke?" "Alright then." "What's the difference between a toilet and a fridge?" "I don't know," "You're disgusting."
@KyleMcDowell86: *I reach for the thermostat* *my dad runs in barking* *neighbor's dad starts barking* *within seconds all the neighborhood dads are barking*
@sofarrsogud: Me: Honey, I left work early to pick up the kids! Wife: But we d.. *I arrive into the kitchen with two small goats Meet Frank and Dolores