@Black__Elvis: I used to think my neighbors were racist but that thoughtful burning cross they put in my yard proved to be a great source of natural light.
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@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
@MarfSalvador: Neighbor: Oh your baby has beautiful big eyes! My wife: Yeah, like his dad Me: *Stares suspiciously at our gardener Sauron*
@LoveNLunchmeat: People who say losing weight is "just math" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math.