@Robert_Beau: I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
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@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.
@nice_mustard: "i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you're my only hope" "use divorce, luke"
@KenJennings: STAR WARS SPOILERS Admiral Ackbar has gained quite a bit of weight and everyone calls him "Admiral Snackbar"
@MatCro: GF: Sue at the bra shop said u got some lingerie ME: … G: Only u didn't give it to me M: [nervously adjusting thong] I'm having an affair