@LoveNLunchmeat: I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@girl_a_whirl: *pulls away from kissing, stares intently into his eyes Your eyes are like pools of melted chocolate Him: U started your diet, didn't u
@Marlebean: [dark alley] Here's the $3 million, thanks again for this, be sure to send pictures. Kidnapper: Wait, don't you want your kids back?
@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.
@justabloodygame: "Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign.