@DominicGraz: I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner.
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@evanrhorne: As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"
@Midgetspar: If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward.
@yenniwhite: 50% of raising kids is begging them to use their words. 50% is begging them to be quiet.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.