@LuvPug: I used to wave my hands in the air like I just don't care, but now I just wave them because I get more steps on my FitBit
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@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
@slotjunkierose: Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today...finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.
@PaperWash: Cop: anything in your pockets that might hurt me? "Nah" *cop pulls out a pic of his ex GF and suspect* Cop: *wiping tears* I'm over it
@Buttija: Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it just becomes a soap opera.