@HatfieldAnne: I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to.
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@gobmentcheese: A romcom where I go to stop you at the airport, except I go to Cinnabon & then forget why I'm at the airport.
@WheelTod: Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you've been seeing for less than a week.
@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
@mydmac: (At the dentist) 'Your grinding isn't good.' Excuse me! I've never had a man complain before.