@TheTweetOfGod: I used to work in mysterious ways. Now I just don't work.
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@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes
@Brianhopecomedy: I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it's because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
@edfoxcomedy: "On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge." - my advice to new teachers