@TheTweetOfGod: I used to work in mysterious ways. Now I just don't work.
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@djdarrellripley: Him: I'll pay for dinner. Me: I want to pay. Him: I'll feel better if you let me pay. Me: Well, if your health is involved, go ahead...
@ticknada: Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me.
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.