@Lowenaffchen: I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like "I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"
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@AKcrazy18: I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his Lil mind
@Reverend_Scott: BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]