@yobrah_: I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.
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@Playing_Dad: Wife: My friend's turkey died. She's really sad. I want to bring her something. What can I get her? Me: How about some gravy?
@michaelianblack: Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me.
@CulturedRuffian: INTERVIEWER: What are your skills? BATMAN: I right things. I: What do you write? B: I Right People's Wrongs. I: Oh so you're an editor?
@iscoff: We'd like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair