@RidiculousSheri: I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget.
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@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] He barely knows who I am anymore "That's not true, Karen" LINDA, MY NAME IS LINDA
@KalvinMacleod: ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes ‘hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*