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@UnIxphysco: I vote for less election coverage
@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper
Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience
Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels
me: can i take some wifi home with me?
barista: um. sure(?)
me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@m00nrocks: When does CPR become necrophilia?
@Home_Halfway: Movie theater employees have 2 ages:
@WorkingMom86: "Will I ever live in a clean house again?"
*shakes magic 8 ball
*magic 8 ball explodes and makes a mess