@MikeCanRant: I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering "Your end is nigh, letter boy."
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@MrSpoonicorn: don't you just hate it when a zombie breaks into your home and starts doing their ironing right in front of the TV
@WilliamAder: People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!
@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"
@HiddleDeeDee: Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one.